Vote Where it Won’t Matter to Remove God From Pledge

Pastor George Docherty, the man many credit with getting “under god” put into the pledge of allegiance, passed away recently.  In honor of his passing AOL has run a story about him complete with a fun little poll asking whether or not “under god” should be in the pledge of allegiance.  It’s time for you to sit on your ass while feeling like you’ve done something important by voting “no” in their poll.

[AOL] via [Phayngula]

Creationist Wiki Secretly Worships Stargate Gods

CreationWiki may pretend to be all about the book of Genesis but their logo betrays them!  In their logo they have a picture of the globe surrounded by a stargate from the Stargate TV/Movie franchise.  In Stargate there are no gods, rather there are evil aliens who pretend to be gods to get people to be their slaves.

We’re on to you CreationWiki!  Your scheme to have evil alien faux-gods take over our planet will fail!  No doubt the people who believe that they’re really Jedi will fight you to the last man.

[CreationWiki]

Christians Try to Steal Christmas Back From American Capitalistic Lies by Lying

It’s everybody’s favorite season, the one where evangelical Christians claim that there is a war on Christmas being waged by atheists while those very same Christians whine incessantly about how the holiday has been taken over by capitalism and then wage war on normal American Christmas to replace it with crazy evangelical Christmas.

Today’s battle in the war on Christmas is being fought in World Net Daily where they are promoting the new book Shocked by the Bible by Joe Kovacs’ and claiming that Santa Claus is a biblical figure.  You might be wondering where in the bible this jolly fat gift-giver-outer is in there, hint – he’s not.  They claim that he’s in the bible hiding as baby Jesus because the Germans (clearly the final authority on all things Jesus) used to call him Christkind, which means Christ Child:

“It’s astonishing that Jesus Christ, whom some people refer to as the Christ child, has morphed over the years into Kris Kringle, also known as Santa Claus,”

What they forgot to do is real research.  Christkind, as the holiday gift giver, is something Martin Luther made up because he hated Catholicism and didn’t want people talking about that Catholic Saint Nicholas.  It’s like a magic trick, it’s only astonishing to people who don’t know how it’s down.  Oh wait, it’s making crap up, they do know how it’s done.

[World Net Daily]

Kentucky Homeland Security Office is God’s Fluffer

In 2006 the Kentucky State Legislature, lead by State Representative (and baptist minister) Tom Riner passed a homeland security law stating that the key duty of the State’s Homeland Security Office is “stressing the dependence on Almighty God as being vital to the security of the Commonwealth.”  That’s right GOD is the key, not bomb sniffing dogs, cops on the street, or radiation sensors – their answer is religion.

New Christian Documentary Tells How Gays Invaded AK Town, Made it Fabulous

Once upon a time the town of Eureka Springs was “known as a resort town for Christians.”  This was until a “a small group of homosexual activists” conquered the town in the name of gay-satan.  The town is now an al-queda style training camp for the secular gay fascist party’s transsexual SS.

The American Family Association has produced the film They’re Coming to Your Town documents how “family” activists are whining about speaking out about the new found fabulousness of their Jesus town.  The promise that the film is “an eye-opener to those who are not familiar with how homosexuals use the system to attain their goals.”  The system the “professional, militant homosexuals” are using is called democracy, Jesus hates the stuff.  They don’t call him the Prince of peace because you get to vote on it.

[Arkansas Times] via [Wonkette]

Anne Heche’s Mom Wants to Love the Gay Out of People for Jesus

Anne Heche’s mother, Dr. Nancy Heche, is an evangelical speaker who has built a career on talking about how to love gay people while hating their gayness (them).  She promises “a message of love, hope and respect for individuals and families dealing with same-sex attraction.”  She’s a bit more realistic than many of her peers saying “You and I aren’t going to wipe out homosexuality… We can wipe out the hate and the confusion and the anger.”

You might be thinking that’s a little odd.  On one hand she just said she wants love hope and respect, on the other she just said she wanted to wipe out homosexuality while admitting that she can’t. For most people love and respect usually mean that you don’t want to wipe out other people’s cultures and relationships.  For example I love and respect vegetarians, I don’t want to wipe them out.

This is how these gay loving evangelicals think of homosexuality:

“homosexuality is sort of like type 2 diabetes: Certain people may be more likely to develop the condition than others. Factors like an abusive parent or childhood teasing can make someone seek out sexual consolation in members of their same sex.”

Fred Phelps’ God Hates the Whole World!

Fred Phelps of everyone’s favorite “God Hates Fags” Westboro Baptist church has a fun website that is part atlas and part god’s holy fury.  The fun animated map will help you find out why god hates a particular part of the earth.  Once there you can find out exactly what god’s so angry about and even what he’s doing to punish them heathens!

Christians Hate Mormons and Their Vampires

It is widely known that many Christians don’t consider Mormons to be real Christians because Mormon-Indian-Jesus is a bit different from normal died on the cross Jesus.  Apparently this feud extends even to vampire movies.  In WORLD Magazine, which promises “today’s news, Christian views” they blast Twilight for young girls’ “unhealthy obsession” with the books and film.

The reviewer, Megan Basham, is not satisfied with the old-vampire and dopey-teen being abstinent; apparently they can’t have any fun at all:

“Christian readers have heaped praise on the Twilight series because its main characters maintain sexual abstinence. Never mind that, like most modern vampire stories, Twilight substitutes blood-drinking for sex. Therefore, to commend its young lovers for abstaining from intercourse is akin to commending a chocoholic for abstaining from brussels sprouts.”

Clearly this is a serious danger.  Tweens all over are no doubt being inspired RIGHT NOW to engage in dangerous, sort of slightly erotic blood drinking.  She goes on to complain that the happy couple’s relationship is nothing more than “scowling and lust.”  Remember that it’s blood-lust because they don’t have the sex, he EATS HER instead.

Fred Phelps’ Son Speaks out About His Abused Past

A Mattock

Trevor Melanson of The Brock Press had a chance encounter with a cab driver who turned out to be of none other than the son Fred “god hates fags” Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church.  Nate Phelps was kind enough to talk about growing up under his father and his life after he escaped.  This is what his childhood was like:

“The mattock, a close cousin of the pickaxe… Its handle is a three-foot wooden shaft, twice the density of a baseball bat, and its dual-sided iron head is comprised of a chisel and a pick.
It was Pastor Fred Phelps’ weapon of choice when beating his children, says his son, Nate Phelps.
“The Bible says: ‘Spare the rod, spoil the child,’ and he would be screaming that out as he was beating us,” said Nate.
One Christmas night, Nate says Pastor Phelps hit him over 200 times with a mattock’s handle, swinging it like a baseball player.”

Christian Bus Ads Compete With Atheist Ads, Omit Details

The British ministry MEMO, a 125 year old outfit which proselytizes on public transportation, has unveiled a new bus ad which will cohabit with the Dawkins backed atheist bus ads in London.  The new ads seek to convey the positive side of Christianity by quoting an angel saying “Don’t be afraid! I am here with good news for you”(Luke 2:10).

The ads failed to convey what exactly the good news was.  Maybe this is the news:

“I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.” (Matthew 5:2-29 NIV)

Thanks but no thanks.  I’ll keep my eye and take my good news from CNN.

[Christianity Today]