Posts Tagged ‘holidays’

Christians Try to Steal Christmas Back From American Capitalistic Lies by Lying

November 29, 2008

aha-santaIt’s everybody’s favorite season, the one where evangelical Christians claim that there is a war on Christmas being waged by atheists while those very same Christians whine incessantly about how the holiday has been taken over by capitalism and then wage war on normal American Christmas to replace it with crazy evangelical Christmas.

Today’s battle in the war on Christmas is being fought in World Net Daily where they are promoting the new book Shocked by the Bible by Joe Kovacs’ and claiming that Santa Claus is a biblical figure.  You might be wondering where in the bible this jolly fat gift-giver-outer is in there, hint – he’s not.  They claim that he’s in the bible hiding as baby Jesus because the Germans (clearly the final authority on all things Jesus) used to call him Christkind, which means Christ Child:

“It’s astonishing that Jesus Christ, whom some people refer to as the Christ child, has morphed over the years into Kris Kringle, also known as Santa Claus,”

What they forgot to do is real research.  Christkind, as the holiday gift giver, is something Martin Luther made up because he hated Catholicism and didn’t want people talking about that Catholic Saint Nicholas.  It’s like a magic trick, it’s only astonishing to people who don’t know how it’s down.  Oh wait, it’s making crap up, they do know how it’s done.

[World Net Daily]

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Happy Great Indian Genocide Day!

November 27, 2008
turbaconducken
The Turbaconducken

If you’re like me you have totally insane pilgrim/puritan ancestors who bravely conquered this land for Christ, saving it from the more or less peaceful savage natives, it’s your day!  Our founding father’s decided this would be a worthy day to give thanks (yes lots of people give it to god) for all the opportunities we took from other people have been blessed with have in this great land.  So be thankful, even in the midst of the dawning economic apocalypse you’re still better off than the thai orphan who made your clothes in a sweatshop.  So go hug somebody, get drunk with them and thank real people for the things they do that make your life better.

If you still hate everyone, have nothing to be thankful for, or are suffering from severe holiday depression put the pills away, set that gun down and try this bacon wrapped turducken recipe, the turbaconduken.  It won’t give you the instant gratification of putting your head in an oven but once you take this bird(s) out of the over you’ll be on the steady path to cholesterolific death.  Happy thanksgiving!

[Bacon Today]

For You It’s Thanksgiving. For Chuck Norris It’s ThanksTAKING

November 24, 2008

chuck_norrisChuck Norris is devoting his Bruce Lee trained verbal right wing ninja skills to defending Thanksgiving from “secularists”.  In his fulsome defense of thank Jesus by having a non-biblical yet paganistic harvest festival day he explains his special idea of what freedom of religion means:

“The framers were seeking to guarantee a freedom of religion, not a freedom from religion.”

In other words religions are free to cram their big ol’ Jesus cock down your throat and you get to like it.

The First Amendment says:

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion”

NO means NO Chuck.

[World Net daily]