Posts Tagged ‘Church’

Only Liberal Atheist Heathens Shop at Walmart

November 23, 2008

jesus-saves-walmart2It seems Satan has once again found a way to cloud the minds and hearts of pious, god-fearing Christians – every day low prices. Every city and town that boasts their own heathen pleasure megastore Walmart now has the option of repenting and making over their warehouse of vice as a shakedown station church, just as the good people of Pinellas Park, Florida have done. By not purchasing enough useless crap, people accidentally ensured the failure of their local source of “Always low prices. Always”, thus clearing the way for the Calvary Chapel’s purchase of the building, which now serves as their church. For the Calvary Chapel flock this is a major step up, considering they were previously worshiping in an abandoned grocery store. Word on the street is the congregation is saving up for a move to a Costco next year.

In the meantime, impoverished Jesus-hating atheists everywhere attempt to separate our zombie lord and his loving minions through their godless bargain hunting. Will their refusal to drive every Walmart out of business condemn all good Christians to worship from inside their closets as they properly should? One can only hope.

[Slate]

Advertisements