Author Archive

We Moved!

December 5, 2008


If you liked our work here on  Altarkation, you’ll love us at our new blog, The Daily Profaner.  Please take a chance to pop on over and enjoy!

-The Staff of The Daily Profaner


Vote Where it Won’t Matter to Remove God From Pledge

November 30, 2008

american-jesusPastor George Docherty, the man many credit with getting “under god” put into the pledge of allegiance, passed away recently.  In honor of his passing AOL has run a story about him complete with a fun little poll asking whether or not “under god” should be in the pledge of allegiance.  It’s time for you to sit on your ass while feeling like you’ve done something important by voting “no” in their poll.

[AOL] via [Phayngula]

Creationist Wiki Secretly Worships Stargate Gods

November 30, 2008

stargatesCreationWiki may pretend to be all about the book of Genesis but their logo betrays them!  In their logo they have a picture of the globe surrounded by a stargate from the Stargate TV/Movie franchise.  In Stargate there are no gods, rather there are evil aliens who pretend to be gods to get people to be their slaves.

We’re on to you CreationWiki!  Your scheme to have evil alien faux-gods take over our planet will fail!  No doubt the people who believe that they’re really Jedi will fight you to the last man.


Christians Try to Steal Christmas Back From American Capitalistic Lies by Lying

November 29, 2008

aha-santaIt’s everybody’s favorite season, the one where evangelical Christians claim that there is a war on Christmas being waged by atheists while those very same Christians whine incessantly about how the holiday has been taken over by capitalism and then wage war on normal American Christmas to replace it with crazy evangelical Christmas.

Today’s battle in the war on Christmas is being fought in World Net Daily where they are promoting the new book Shocked by the Bible by Joe Kovacs’ and claiming that Santa Claus is a biblical figure.  You might be wondering where in the bible this jolly fat gift-giver-outer is in there, hint – he’s not.  They claim that he’s in the bible hiding as baby Jesus because the Germans (clearly the final authority on all things Jesus) used to call him Christkind, which means Christ Child:

“It’s astonishing that Jesus Christ, whom some people refer to as the Christ child, has morphed over the years into Kris Kringle, also known as Santa Claus,”

What they forgot to do is real research.  Christkind, as the holiday gift giver, is something Martin Luther made up because he hated Catholicism and didn’t want people talking about that Catholic Saint Nicholas.  It’s like a magic trick, it’s only astonishing to people who don’t know how it’s down.  Oh wait, it’s making crap up, they do know how it’s done.

[World Net Daily]

Utah Town Proposes Free Speech Ghettos To Unfree Speech

November 29, 2008

A Draper, Utah free speech zone

The righteous population of latter day saints in Draper Utah are taking a stand against secular gay fascists mucking up their quiet lives and reminding good Mormons that hate isn’t ok while they go to pray at their yes on prop 8 campaign centers temples.

To counter all this free and unrestricted public assembly and discourse the town is proposing an ordinance that will protect the temple goers from the free liberal society that is infecting the holy land of Utah.  It will create “free speech zones” where you can engage in democratic dialog.  Outside of the “free speech zones” will be a Mormo-fascist zone where you can’t speak freely but you can get a $750 fine.

[Salt Lake Tribune]

Kentucky Homeland Security Office is God’s Fluffer

November 29, 2008

ky-hs-officeIn 2006 the Kentucky State Legislature, lead by State Representative (and baptist minister) Tom Riner passed a homeland security law stating that the key duty of the State’s Homeland Security Office is “stressing the dependence on Almighty God as being vital to the security of the Commonwealth.”  That’s right GOD is the key, not bomb sniffing dogs, cops on the street, or radiation sensors – their answer is religion.


New Christian Documentary Tells How Gays Invaded AK Town, Made it Fabulous

November 28, 2008

Once upon a time the town of Eureka Springs was “known as a resort town for Christians.”  This was until a “a small group of homosexual activists” conquered the town in the name of gay-satan.  The town is now an al-queda style training camp for the secular gay fascist party’s transsexual SS.

The American Family Association has produced the film They’re Coming to Your Town documents how “family” activists are whining about speaking out about the new found fabulousness of their Jesus town.  The promise that the film is “an eye-opener to those who are not familiar with how homosexuals use the system to attain their goals.”  The system the “professional, militant homosexuals” are using is called democracy, Jesus hates the stuff.  They don’t call him the Prince of peace because you get to vote on it.

[Arkansas Times] via [Wonkette]

Help Caption a Bible Scene!

November 28, 2008

caption-revlifeThe Christian blogging community Revelife is having a thread where you can help caption this scene from the bible.  Take the time to help contribute to the dialogue between the irreligious and Christians.  My caption: SAUSAGE FEST!


Anne Heche’s Mom Wants to Love the Gay Out of People for Jesus

November 28, 2008

norainbowchurchAnne Heche’s mother, Dr. Nancy Heche, is an evangelical speaker who has built a career on talking about how to love gay people while hating their gayness (them).  She promises “a message of love, hope and respect for individuals and families dealing with same-sex attraction.”  She’s a bit more realistic than many of her peers saying “You and I aren’t going to wipe out homosexuality… We can wipe out the hate and the confusion and the anger.”

You might be thinking that’s a little odd.  On one hand she just said she wants love hope and respect, on the other she just said she wanted to wipe out homosexuality while admitting that she can’t. For most people love and respect usually mean that you don’t want to wipe out other people’s cultures and relationships.  For example I love and respect vegetarians, I don’t want to wipe them out.

This is how these gay loving evangelicals think of homosexuality:

“homosexuality is sort of like type 2 diabetes: Certain people may be more likely to develop the condition than others. Factors like an abusive parent or childhood teasing can make someone seek out sexual consolation in members of their same sex.”


Fred Phelps’ God Hates the Whole World!

November 28, 2008

godz-wrath-fullFred Phelps of everyone’s favorite “God Hates Fags” Westboro Baptist church has a fun website that is part atlas and part god’s holy fury.  The fun animated map will help you find out why god hates a particular part of the earth.  Once there you can find out exactly what god’s so angry about and even what he’s doing to punish them heathens!