Altarkation's Blog

We Moved!

Chris Altarkation — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 13:45:24 +0000

If you liked our work here on Altarkation, you’ll love us at our new blog, The Daily Profaner. Please take a chance to pop on over and enjoy!

-The Staff of The Daily Profaner

Kentuckians find God … and tell him to get lost!

Tomas Sin Dios — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 04:51:58 +0000

A group of atheists filed a lawsuit Tuesday seeking to remove part of a state anti-terrorism law that requires Kentucky’s Office of Homeland Security to acknowledge it can’t keep the state safe without God’s help. That’s right, God: Our First Defense Against Terrorism!

God has yet to respond.

[Seatle Times]

Vote Where it Won’t Matter to Remove God From Pledge

Chris Altarkation — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 08:03:02 +0000

Pastor George Docherty, the man many credit with getting “under god” put into the pledge of allegiance, passed away recently. In honor of his passing AOL has run a story about him complete with a fun little poll asking whether or not “under god” should be in the pledge of allegiance. It’s time for you to sit on your ass while feeling like you’ve done something important by voting “no” in their poll.

[AOL] via [Phayngula]

The Divide Widens

C.J. Krucifix — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 04:49:03 +0000

In a recent survey conducted recently by the Search Institute in Minneapolis, over 6,000 people ranging from ages 12-25 were questioned about their religious beliefs and the results were quite clear: young people have a growing distrust in organized religion. Roughly one-third of the people interviewed stated they have didn’t trust organized religious institutions while ninety-three percent stated they did believe in a spiritual side to life.

The line between spirituality and religion has always, for me, been a sketchy one. Implying that human beings have spirits or souls hearkens back to even before Greek philosophy and early Judaism and has strong religious implications.

The researchers who conducted the survey stated that since it is, to their knowledge, the first of its kind, and it is still in the very early stages of analysis, it is far too early to make any sorts of assumptions based on the results. Given the widening divide between secular Americans and those who are leaning more and more toward strong, sometimes almost militant religious movements such as Evangelical Christianity, only time will tell what the statistics truly mean.

[Star-Telegram]

Creationist Wiki Secretly Worships Stargate Gods

Chris Altarkation — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 03:00:16 +0000

CreationWiki may pretend to be all about the book of Genesis but their logo betrays them! In their logo they have a picture of the globe surrounded by a stargate from the Stargate TV/Movie franchise. In Stargate there are no gods, rather there are evil aliens who pretend to be gods to get people to be their slaves.

We’re on to you CreationWiki! Your scheme to have evil alien faux-gods take over our planet will fail! No doubt the people who believe that they’re really Jedi will fight you to the last man.

[CreationWiki]

Atheist Queer Elton John Hates Gay Marriage

Jacquie O'Godless — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 02:02:39 +0000

Elton John is one of those Atheists the rest of us tend to hope people just don’t notice, especially when he is talking. Not to long ago Elton said:

“From my point of view, I would ban religion completely. Organized religion doesn’t seem to work. It turns people into really hateful lemmings and it’s not really compassionate.”

Ouch. Ban? Pretty wince-worthy. While these are exactly the kind of extremist comments Atheists don’t need to be associated with, at least the sentiment behind his remark is a sane one – that the world just might be a much nicer place without religion. As John Lennon said it, “Imagine No Religion”. Sure, I get that. We all do.

Then, Elton John starts talking about how Gays have no right to get married and he loses me.

Wait, what? Yup. Recently he said:

“We’re (David Furnish and I) not married. Let’s get that right,” John told USA Today on Nov. 12. “We have a civil partnership. What is wrong with Proposition 8 is that they went for marriage. Marriage is going to put a lot of people off, the word marriage.

“I don’t want to be married,” John said. “I’m very happy with a civil partnership. If gay people want to get married, or get together, they should have a civil partnership. … You get the same equal rights. … Heterosexual people get married.”

Wow Elton, wow. I would be inclined to think this is an example of religious gay-hate so effectively permeating society that even an Atheist finds himself discriminating against himself for being gay, but honestly? In this case I think it’s just Elton John being Elton John.

[San Francisco Bay Times]

[The Atheist Experience]

Christians Try to Steal Christmas Back From American Capitalistic Lies by Lying

Chris Altarkation — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 11:17:29 +0000

It’s everybody’s favorite season, the one where evangelical Christians claim that there is a war on Christmas being waged by atheists while those very same Christians whine incessantly about how the holiday has been taken over by capitalism and then wage war on normal American Christmas to replace it with crazy evangelical Christmas.

Today’s battle in the war on Christmas is being fought in World Net Daily where they are promoting the new book Shocked by the Bible by Joe Kovacs’ and claiming that Santa Claus is a biblical figure. You might be wondering where in the bible this jolly fat gift-giver-outer is in there, hint – he’s not. They claim that he’s in the bible hiding as baby Jesus because the Germans (clearly the final authority on all things Jesus) used to call him Christkind, which means Christ Child:

“It’s astonishing that Jesus Christ, whom some people refer to as the Christ child, has morphed over the years into Kris Kringle, also known as Santa Claus,”

What they forgot to do is real research. Christkind, as the holiday gift giver, is something Martin Luther made up because he hated Catholicism and didn’t want people talking about that Catholic Saint Nicholas. It’s like a magic trick, it’s only astonishing to people who don’t know how it’s down. Oh wait, it’s making crap up, they do know how it’s done.

[World Net Daily]

Utah Town Proposes Free Speech Ghettos To Unfree Speech

Chris Altarkation — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 04:23:58 +0000

A Draper, Utah free speech zone

The righteous population of latter day saints in Draper Utah are taking a stand against secular gay fascists mucking up their quiet lives and reminding good Mormons that hate isn’t ok while they go to pray at their yes on prop 8 campaign centers temples.

To counter all this free and unrestricted public assembly and discourse the town is proposing an ordinance that will protect the temple goers from the free liberal society that is infecting the holy land of Utah. It will create “free speech zones” where you can engage in democratic dialog. Outside of the “free speech zones” will be a Mormo-fascist zone where you can’t speak freely but you can get a $750 fine.

[Salt Lake Tribune]

Kentucky Homeland Security Office is God’s Fluffer

Chris Altarkation — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 03:54:55 +0000

In 2006 the Kentucky State Legislature, lead by State Representative (and baptist minister) Tom Riner passed a homeland security law stating that the key duty of the State’s Homeland Security Office is “stressing the dependence on Almighty God as being vital to the security of the Commonwealth.” That’s right GOD is the key, not bomb sniffing dogs, cops on the street, or radiation sensors – their answer is religion.

The law also requires that reports to Sate leaders credit god, that a plaque be placed at the entrance to the State Emergency Operations Center that reads in part “The safety and security of the Commonwealth cannot be achieved apart from reliance upon Almighty God.”

State Rep. Riner is a bit hurt that the 2008 report didn’t fluff god’s wang and that the Kentucky Homeland Security website doesn’t say god is the state’s top cop either. Apparently in a dangerous world minister Representative Riner has nothing better to do but be all kinds of butthurt because the government of Kentucky isn’t violating the first amendment to his satisfaction. Saying:

“This is recognition that government alone cannot guarantee the perfect safety of the people of Kentucky… Government itself, apart from God, cannot close the security gap. The job is too big for government.”

What more do you want from government? Security? HA! We should all follow Rep. Riner’s advice and put god first. Next time you’re being assaulted, raped, or robbed, make sure you pray BEFORE you call 911. It’s all about FAITH people!

[Associated Press]

Idolator Worships Cow, Goes to Every Hell

Jacquie O'Godless — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 03:29:12 +0000

Apparently some farmer has now tried every religion and spiritual mumbo jumbo in existence, and rather than turn to something more sensible (like say reason) he has instead decided that Elvis -his 3,000 pound steer – is the messiah and thus will now worship him. This certainly means he is going to every hell that exists, except maybe the Hindu one because they really like cows.

[Slate]